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Written by Elesa Mason, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Texas
Do not be afraid, for I am with you; Do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will also help you. I will also uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Is 41:10 NASB20)
Fear. It’s probably the loudest voice inside my head: Will I ever be enough? Will I always walk with a cane? Will I ever be able to do the things I used to? These thoughts and so many more flood my mind, especially when I am still.
On November 12, 2020, I told my husband I didn’t feel well. Praise God he recognized I was in trouble and called 911. I woke up several days later in the ICU having just been removed from life support. Those days were frightful as my prognosis was uncertain due to numerous blood clots. Our family endured gut-wrenching conversations to say goodbye; conversations I couldn’t reply to or remember.
After seven weeks of recovery, I came home, weak and unable to walk alone. That tremendous loss of freedom meant I couldn’t do anything; things I believed to be my gifts in service to the Lord. And my life lessons didn’t end there; my body was so riddled with arthritis that the following year I endured three joint replacements just to walk. More recovery, therapy, doing nothing, and worst of all, more fears.
I am a half-glass-full gal. I was so grateful for my improvement as I no longer needed a walker! But why was I still unhappy? Why was I angry about walking with a cane? Bottom line: why did God let me stay if He was going to take away my freedom and ability to do what I wanted: things for Him? I prayed fervently, but for so long there was silence. Silence, until I began to listen.
Music has always been the lifter of my soul. Listening stabilizes my mood and centers my mind away from me and on to happier things. Steven Curtis Chapman touched my heart when he sang, “My Redeemer is faithful and true. Everything He has said He will do. And every morning His mercies are new.”
I came to realize that God let me stay here because He is faithful and true. He answered the prayers of many who loved me. He loved me so much that He needed me to stay here longer, not because He still had much for me to do, but because I still had much to learn about myself and my place in His Kingdom that I could still do with a cane.
But before any of that, I had to deal with my faith.
Faith is the antithesis of fear. Fear made me question everything about the unknown. Faith is belief that God has my unknowns in His hands because He says He does. The prophet and musician Asaph sang “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart” (Ps 73:26). After years of stillness, I realized I was not connecting to God through his Word other than snippets that blessed me. Paul teaches “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” (Ro 10:17).
God wants me to rely on Him without reservation. It took God out of the equation when I felt responsible for all the good things I had done. I believe that rain came into my life for a reason; I needed to appreciate the Son. So, I try each day to recognize and praise God for everything in my life by going into his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. God gives me protection and strength but praising Him must come first.
By taking small opportunities to show the love of Christ, conversing with God on a more intimate level, and daily consuming His Word, I am emerging from a me-centered world to one full of possibilities. I still slide back into jealousy when I see pictures of friends skiing or taking walks along the beach. The old Elesa emerges with questions of “why me?”.
God loves me dearly and chose my specific path with all its hills and valleys. His “still small voice” in my quiet moments keeps me centered and focused on the truth. His truth. I continue to do what I can to strengthen my body. But as His precious creation, His truth is I am enough, whether I walk with a cane or not.
My fears are gradually giving way to faith. He has always been faithful and always will be. I look forward to the future God has for me. If I keep Him in my heart and mind, He will never leave me or forsake me, and I believe Him! And so, I use music to fill my soul and remain Christ-centered. What about you?
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Written by Kat Bittner, volunteer and Board member for Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
“Love is a great master. It teaches us to be what we never were.”
(Jean-Baptiste Poquelin aka Molière)
I really do appreciate those words. I appreciate them because they exemplify relationship with Jesus. You see, love invokes a sense of action. It calls on us to do things that, albeit good and wonderful, are often out of our nature. Love calls us to do things we may never have done and to be what we may never have been. Personally, I’ve not much patience for folks who are ill-tempered or self-centered. If someone has wounded my family or friends, it can be considerably troublesome for me to be kind. It is nearly impossible for me to forgive the wicked and ungodly who violate children. And I’m not generally eager to abandon my addictive, gluttonous behaviors with food. I do love those carbs and sugar. A lot!
If I am to do anything to be what I’ve never been—to let love be a great master in my life—I have to be like Jesus. Jesus is love, characterized by all the things that love does (1Co 13:4-8). I must be mastered by Him rather than be mastered by my selfish inclinations. And while there can be no perfection in me for whatever I choose, I can certainly aim to do my best and allow Jesus to guide my path.
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” (Pr 16:9, NKJV)
I have spent most of my life struggling with morbid obesity, an addictive and unhealthy relationship with food, and a latent self-loathing. I was especially good at denying the animus I had with my body. It’s only been in the last several years that I’ve come to realize the former declarations of “I’m happy” or “I’m not insecure” were actually lies that allowed my struggles with food to master my life. I wasn’t happy in my obesity. I wasn’t happy when I binged. And I wasn’t happy or confident in my body despite my proclamations to the contrary. Rather, I was being mastered by my manipulative tendency instead of letting Jesus master me.
Scripture tells us that “the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other so that you are not to do what you want” (Gal 5:17, NIV). Doing what I wanted—consuming food to extremes for my emotional pleasure—was contrary to the Spirit. It was the sin of gluttony, too, and for an extraordinarily long time, I denied that as well. I wasn’t being mastered by Jesus. In truth, I was being mastered by sin. I was among those “… whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ … headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite” (Php 3:18b-19a, NLT). Wow! I was convicted after God lovingly but firmly reiterated in His word that I needed profound change. That change could only come through letting Jesus master my life rather than my god of food.
“God’s truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: ‘The Lord knows those who are his,’ and ‘All who belong to the Lord must turn away from evil’” (2Ti 2:19b, NLT).
If I were to emulate Jesus, I needed to give up the sin (evil) in my life to be what I never was before. And once I stopped denying that I was being mastered by food, I could begin to be mastered by Jesus. I needed only to give it fully to Him.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1Jn 1:9, NKJV).
Owning my addictive behavior and self-manipulation was a first step. Along with support from friends and family, wise counsel, and a good amount of weight loss which resulted in the resolution of all my co-morbidities, I am a different person. I am better because of a change in my thinking. I am better because of renewed focus. But more than those, the thing that has made me better is Jesus!
Jesus is the great Master! He teaches us to be who we never were before. Who will you be that you have never been before with Jesus as your Master?