Written by Silene Coelho, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Manaus, Brazil
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. (Pr 14:1 NIV)
When I read this verse, I'm reminded that wisdom isn't simply about knowing the Bible or having many years of experience. Being wise means living out God's teachings in a practical way, making choices that build up, not tear down. And this doesn't depend on whether I'm single, married, widowed, or divorced. Wisdom is a calling for all of us.
We need to understand that true wisdom does not depend on marital status. Being wise means living in a way that my actions edify, that my choices reflect Christ, and that my life is useful in the Kingdom. And this is possible for any woman—single, widowed, or divorced. Single Christians should understand that they can experience a wonderful life with freedom, excitement, and happiness while fulfilling God's purpose in their lives.
Being single has taught me a profound lesson: holiness is more than "not sinning" in the sexual area. It's about living set apart for God in all areas—thoughts, relationships, choices. Paul spoke about this in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, reminding us that marriage is a blessing, but that single life can also be lived for God's glory. I've seen single women get involved in purposeless relationships just to avoid being alone, and I've seen how this can lead to heartache. The wise woman understands that waiting on God is safer than rushing things. This doesn't mean being passive, but choosing paths that preserve peace and purity.
One of the blessings of singleness is the freedom to serve. Paul mentions that a single woman can dedicate herself more to the things of the Lord (1Co 7:32-35). I see this in the lives of many women: they have time to be involved in ministries, visit people, participate in missionary events, and study the Word more intensely. It is also noticeable in the lives of widows who, after their loss, found new strength in Christian service, and in divorced women who rebuilt their faith and self-esteem by serving others. These stories show that serving not only blesses those who receive but also heals and strengthens those who serve.
Even though I am not in a relationship, I know that my daily choices define the kind of woman I will be tomorrow. Choosing friends who draw me closer to God, managing my finances well, investing in my personal and spiritual growth—all of this is building my inner "house." If marriage comes someday, it's important to be emotionally healthy and spiritually strong. Wise women—whether married, widowed, or divorced—show that the right choices today build a solid and blessed future. As C.S. Lewis said, “A woman's heart must be so hidden in God that a man must seek Him to find her.”
Even as an adult and independent woman, I've learned that obeying and respecting authority is part of wisdom. This includes honoring parents (Ex 20:12), even if living alone, and listening to spiritual leaders (Heb 13:17). Obedience doesn't diminish, but protects and strengthens. Widows and divorcees who maintain this posture of humility and respect show that this is a key to preserving relationships and opening doors to new opportunities.
Being single has taught me that self-love is not selfishness, but a commandment that requires patience and constant reflection on my attitudes (Lk 10:27). I have come to value my well-being, to say "no" when necessary, to protect my rest, and to nourish my mind with things that edify. I have also learned that solitude can be a gift—a time to deepen my relationship with God, without distractions. Widows who, after years of caring for others, have learned to care for themselves, and divorced women who have rediscovered their identity after separation, show that loving oneself is being prepared to love others better.
Being wise is a calling for all women, regardless of marital status. "Alone, yes, but not lonely!"—because emptiness does not come from the absence of a husband, but from the lack of Jesus, the only source of fullness. A woman's worth is in Christ, and until the day of the Lamb's wedding (Rev 19:7), her purpose is to live like the woman of Proverbs 14:1, building up and not tearing down.
Let those of us who are single continue to encourage one another to seek wisdom in our singleness.
