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Written by Aileen Bonilla, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Ecuador
Who has not been involved in a complicated relationship? I would dare to say we all have. Jesus was also in middle of these confusing relationships, obviously not because He caused any conflict, but rather because He lived in this fallen world. The reality is that relationships are not complicated, we are the complicated ones.
Different than us, Jesus had and has all authority to reproach those who have a conflictive heart. Those heart problems will be reflected whenever they open their mouths. He manifested in Matthew 12:34,
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
The context of this quote is when Jesus cast out a demon from the body of a man who was blind and mute. The Pharisees were always attentive to everything Jesus did in order to accuse Him. They desired, with their whole heart, that Jesus die. This passage is one of the many scenes where the gospels reveal how difficult it was for Jesus to fulfill His ministry here in this world, where everyone was contaminated by evil.
We shouldn’t be surprised that, at some point, we will find ourselves in the middle of complicated relationships. We should have wise discernment to realize if we are the stumbling block. Just as the Pharisees were trying to tempt Jesus, we will be tempted. And ever since the fall in the garden of Eden, humans have been incapable of relating with others in the right way. We all have different temperaments. But what should be clear is that as Christians, and in spite of those internal conflicts, we do not have the right to treat others badly.
I remember when I studied gastronomy together with my husband, we met a girl that had kitchen experience. For her, everything we did was wrong. Every time the instructors taught something new, she considered it irrelevant. Also, when she made a mistake, she was incapable of recognizing her error. No one wanted to be near her, since she yelled and made fun of everyone in the group. Those same attitudes in Christians are weighed down by the “old self” (versus the new creation). And that is why we shouldn’t be surprised when there are difficult people in our congregations.
Proverbs speaks a lot about not aligning ourselves with people who are haughty, arrogant, angry, wise in their own eyes. The reason is because we will become like them. These people typically do not want to be helped. Since they’re already wise in their own eyes, they are hindering the work of God’s Spirit. In spite of being in the midst of these complicated people, Jesus remained blameless, and His Word says that He left us good works, good examples that we should follow (Eph. 2:10).
The Pharisees constantly attacked Jesus; they couldn’t stand that there was another Teacher better than them, because He taught by example. They were jealous of the Son of God, and this is a grave sentiment that destroys everything in its path.
The envious person wants everything at any cost, invalidating the other person. The jealous person is in constant competition with others. For this reason, many times, our workplace carries such weight, because there are those who are scheming for ill and pulling others into the situation. Even though we can’t always escape from an environment like this, neither should we be contaminated by it.
Also, there will be complicated relationships amongst our loved ones, be that children, brothers, sisters, parents, spouse, etc. At any moment, the rope tightens, but to reach that limit, it is because we have let the emotions pass. The emotions are capable of creating an entire theory because we first feel and then think (Goleman, 336). Nevertheless, we are called to be reconcilers to reflect God in our homes and wherever we go.
At one point in my life, I, too, was a complicated person, because many people had constantly hurt me and I decided back then to close my heart to friendships, to Christian brothers and sisters, and to anyone. I didn’t want to go out; I even suffered from depression. But God, in His infinite wisdom, showed me that in spite of the past hurt, I had to make the effort to leave that state of being. Today, I am much more open to expressing my emotions and letting things flow, always with caution, but by trying to help those who need it. When someone treats me badly, yells at me, offends me, and uses guilt to make me responsible for their emotions, I silently go to the Father, in complete silence, without even shedding a tear. And the Father speaks to me, “Be still, I AM God.”
ritten by Sabrina Campos, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Memphis, TN
We’ve read and studied many stories in the Bible about Jesus’ relationship with the teachers of the law. We insert ourselves in the story, most often identifying ourselves with the Pharisees and Sadducees. And often judging them.
I used to judge them a lot when I was a kid. I could not believe the audacity of some of those teachers. Trying to be tricky, always prideful, and arrogant. At the end of every story, I would think to myself: I bet this person never repented from being this way.
It's interesting how God can use the same story a bunch of different times to teach us different lessons over the course of our lives. One of those stories we read time and time again is found in Luke 10:25-37, The Parable of the Good Samaritan:
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
What incredible patience Jesus had!
If I was allowed to answer what I wanted, I probably would have said: “What do you think? Aren’t you the “teacher of the law?” I thought you were supposed to know this already.”
But Jesus not only shows patience, but also love and interest.
In our relationships, we think we have all the answers. And if we ever feel like we are being trapped by a question we either decide to fight or flight. But Jesus, who has all the answers, provides a third option: engage.
He ignites the spark of interest, knowing that the expert in the law would know the answer to this question well. He engages him by making him talk about the subject he loves most in the world: the law!
Jesus sees a human, a flawed, lost soul. He sees past the exterior of a man who might be prideful and arrogant.
And He also affirms:
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
And when the teacher of the law doesn’t understand and tries to justify himself, Jesus doesn’t give up. He gives an example, because He knows sometimes, we need visuals.
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
We’ll never know if the teacher of the law really “went and did likewise.” But we can learn a lot from the way Jesus taught and created an honest relationship with the teacher.
Jesus doesn’t judge the questions; He shows great patience, love, and interest. He sees past the exterior. He engages. He affirms. And ultimately, He understands that sometimes we just don’t understand. And so, He takes us by the hand and shows us examples. Like a big brother showing his younger sibling how to act by being himself a perfect example.
Relationships are hard, because we are always expecting something. We expect others to affirm us and love us, to repent and change. We expect them to be our neighbors.
But Jesus says: “Go and do likewise.” You be the neighbor; the example. You will show patience, love, affirmation, because I did that for you. You will explain things a million times, if necessary, because I do that for you. You will take their hand and walk with them, because I will do that with you ‘til the end of time.
Go and do likewise.
