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Written by Rachel Baker, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
I’m sure this is a familiar scene to most of us:
A tired mom is working her way through the grocery store with her children, trying her best to remember everything that is on her list while managing the chaos around her…
And at least one of her kids is screaming and crying all the way through the store.
For those who have never raised children or spent long periods of time caring for them, it’s easy to think, “Good grief, what is wrong with that woman? If that was my kid, they would not be allowed to act like that. She needs to get control of her kids.”
Have you ever had an attitude like that towards others? Or maybe heard a similar response from someone else?
If you, however, have found yourself in a similar situation, you know the stress and emotions that come along with it. You know what led up to that moment in your day, you know that you were doing your absolute best to get through the experience, and you know the embarrassment you felt as another tiny human acted in a way that was completely beyond your control.
How does that affect your attitude towards this precious mother? Maybe you’re more inclined to offer a smile or a word of encouragement as you pass. You might even offer a high five and say something like, “You’re doing great, Mom. You’ve got this.”
When we can relate to others and truly feel empathy towards them and their situation, our attitudes are completely redefined by our understanding and experiences. We are more gracious, merciful, forgiving, and compassionate towards those who are hurting when we know the struggle they are experiencing in a personal way.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
The scenario above is much easier to relate to for those who have actually experienced that same situation, but that doesn’t mean others cannot also be compassionate when they see this mother struggling through her day. We have all struggled in different ways, and we know the relief that is felt when we receive comfort from others. More importantly, we know the blessing of receiving comfort from a gracious God in all our troubles.
When you see others having a hard day or dealing with a situation that you think should be handled in a different way, how do you respond? Are you willing to offer that word of encouragement or a smile of comfort instead of judging what only your eyes can see?
How can we encourage one another to remain gracious and compassionate towards others in our daily life?
"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)
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Written by Michelle J. Goff
For relationships to work, we must work at them. Friendships develop over time and through shared experiences.
Roommates will tell you that clear communication is important. Expectations have to be expressed and explained, then either dismissed, adjusted, or met. Who is going to take out the trash? Do we share meals or do our own? Are you a morning person or a night owl?
For a season, my parents taught a premarital class on first-year adjustments. The blending of two families is not a trivial undertaking. They asked key questions and told funny anecdotes in order to walk the couple through some of the preparation that it takes to make these first-year adjustments. The answers to some questions may appear obvious to one, but the other has a very different way of looking at things. Respectful love and open communication are necessary building blocks for a solid marriage.
Forty-five years later, my parents would tell you respectful love and open communication are still key elements that cannot be ignored. I echo the sentiment of their necessity even though, for me, that has not been evidenced directly through marriage, but rather as foundational factors in the building of all relationships.
Respectful love is not eros love, the romantic type of love that can be fleeting and emotion based. Respectful love is rooted in fileo (brotherly) and agape (unconditional) love, as we find most described in the Bible. First Corinthians 13, for example, presents a love that is not self-seeking. It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.
I don’t know about you, but that type of love seems nearly impossible, unattainable by my own efforts. I can be admittedly selfish. I am least patient with myself, but also impatient with others. My desire to not be taken advantage of leads me to keep a record of wrongs and occasionally be resentful.
In my mind, I know that no matter the type of relationship, if I want it to develop and deepen, it must be grounded in a love that respects the other person, considers his or her needs above our own, and endures.
How do I resolve the distance between the biblical description of love as found in 1 Corinthians 13 and the fallible version of love found in most relationships?
God. Since God is love, I step back and allow Him to define the relationship. Have you thought about having a DTR talk with God? DTR: Define the Relationship.
Because the other way in which we can work toward attaining that kind of love in our relationships is through communication—with God and with the other person.
Not to sound cliché, but sincere, open communication with God through prayer will guide us in redefining our relationships. Communication with God transforms our communication with one another. A foundational relationship with God lays the groundwork for our relationships with others.
Take a moment today to reflect on two relationships you want to see grow. Pray about those two people by name. Ask God to guide your communication. Invite Him, as Love defined, into your conversations and interactions.