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Written by Brenda Davis, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Eph 4:29 NIV)
In Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People® we find Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood®. Like almost all of Covey’s highly respected writing, this is based in Scriptural truth: "To answer before listening— that is folly and shame" (Pr 18:13). “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Pr 18:2 ESV).
Hearing is easy. Listening? Not so much. So, what's the difference between hearing someone and listening to them? Hearing is simply being aware that they are speaking. Listening is tuning in to what they are saying in order to understand and respond.
In Matthew 15:10, we find that the Lord called on the crowd to go beyond just hearing His words: “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen and understand’” (NIV). Job’s friends heard him express his complaints ten times. Still, Job exclaimed: “If only someone would listen to me!” (Job 31:35a NLT). Why? Apparently, they weren’t listening with the intent of understanding.
Hearing, listening, and understanding are used interchangeably in passages such as these:
- “You have neither listened nor inclined your ears to hear, although the Lord persistently sent to you all his servants the prophets” (Jer 25:4 ESV).
- Jesus asked His disciples, "Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear?" (Mk 8:18).
Once you have listened and understood what the speaker is trying to communicate, only then is it time for your response. One of the most familiar passages about listening and responding is found in James 1:19-20: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (NIV). I confess that this is a massive challenge for me. I often answer before listening; if not audibly, I do it in my head and then wait for the first opportunity to jump in with my thoughts. I am preoccupied with something in my life relating to what they are telling me, or forming an argument, a retort, or some “wisdom” or advice I’ll share as soon as they give me an opening. It’s as if what I’m going to say is more important than what they are trying to tell me and they will end up feeling, like Job, “If only someone would listen to me!”
The Scriptures caution us about being more concerned with what we are going to say than with wholly listening.
- “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them” (Pr 29:20).
- “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Php 2:3-4).
- “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (Pr 21:23 ESV).
But what if someone says something hurtful or provocative? That is when we must try to be “slow to become angry” by not reacting in kind. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Col 4:6).
When we respond, we have the opportunity to build others up with an encouraging, wise, or inspiring response.
- "Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear" (Pr 25:12).
- “The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary” (Is 50:4a).
- “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up” (1Th 5:11).
- "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Pr 27:17 NIV).
What if you don’t feel that you are qualified or wise enough to give that kind of response? In Janet Dunn’s Discipleship Journal article, “How to Become a Good Listener” she recommends that we should consider
put[ing] more emphasis on affirmation than on answers… Many times, God simply wants to use me as a channel of his affirming love as I listen with compassion and understanding. Often a person can be helped merely by having someone who will listen to [her] seriously. At times what our neighbor needs most is for someone else to know.
Let us commit to creating a culture of listening and responding in our families and other relationships. Silence the smartphone. Don’t stop their story. Block out the distractions. And pray that God will open your ears and minds, and will guide and bless your responses.
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Written by Claudia Malaquias, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Minas Gerais
The ability to listen is a precious talent, often underestimated in a world where communication is generally understood as speaking. However, true wisdom and understanding come from the ability to listen with an open heart and mind. The biblical passages of Matthew 15:10 and Proverbs 1:5-6 provide a solid spiritual foundation for understanding a listening spirit's profound impact.
In Matthew 15:10, Jesus says, "Hear and understand” (ESV). These words are a direct call to the importance of listening carefully. Jesus often taught using parables, requiring the audience to listen carefully and thoughtfully to capture the true meaning of His words. This form of communication highlights that listening is not simply a passive act, but an active practice of understanding and internalizing the message.
Proverbs 1:5-6 adds to this idea, stating, "Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance for understanding proverbs and parables” (NIV). This verse suggests that the listening process is continual and essential for growth in wisdom. By listening, we gain not only knowledge but also the ability to apply that knowledge practically and effectively in our lives.
In my personal experience, adopting a spirit of listening has significantly transformed my relationships and my spiritual walk. I remember a time when I was facing a professional dilemma. Instead of acting impulsively, I sought advice and dedicated myself to listening carefully to more experienced colleagues. This practice not only helped me make a more informed decision but also strengthened my relationships in the workplace. The act of listening created a space of trust and mutual respect.
The habit of listening is also crucial in our family life. There are times when the people we live with (husband, children, siblings, etc.) need someone to listen to them without judgment or interruptions. By practicing active listening, we demonstrate love and empathy, which strengthens our bonds. I have learned that often solutions to problems arise not necessarily from what I say, but from the way I listen.
In the spiritual context, a spirit of listening also results in a deepening of our relationship with God. When meditating on the Scriptures and prayers, listening to God's voice requires silence and attention. There are times when the answers to our prayers do not come immediately, but through an ongoing process of listening and reflection.
Finally, a spirit of listening promotes humility. We recognize that we do not have all the answers, and that wisdom can be found in the experiences and knowledge of others. This recognition makes us more open to learning, and as a result, generates spiritual growth stimulated by the Scriptures (Heb 5:11-14; Pr 1:5-6; 1Pe 2:1-3; Col 1:9-10).
We can then distinguish some advantages of effective listening:
- Humility: Recognizing that we don't know everything and that others can offer us valuable knowledge and perspectives.
- Self-control: Practicing active listening requiring patience and the ability to control impulses to speak or interrupt.
- Openness to Criticism: Being willing to listen to constructive criticism and feedback as an opportunity to grow and improve.
In conclusion, what a listening spirit produces is transformation. It transforms our relationships, our spiritual understanding, and our personal growth. Matthew 15:10 and Proverbs 1:5 remind us that listening is more than a physical act; It is an exercise in wisdom and understanding. By cultivating a spirit of listening, we not only honor God, but we also position ourselves to receive His blessings and guidance more fully. In a world full of noise and distractions, choosing to listen carefully is an act of faith and wisdom that bears abundant fruit in all areas of our lives.