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Written by Francia Oviedo, Creative Assistant for Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Honduras
Do you promise to love and respect this man and be faithful to him in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, in richness and poverty, all the days of your life, until death do you part?
Who has not heard these beautiful, romantic, and traditional phrases? Those of us who are married possibly heard this on our wedding day, when we became one with our husband and signed that legal contract, that covenant which we pledged before God, our family, and friends.
But hey… let's start at the beginning. What is a covenant? According to the Bibleproject.com, a covenant is a relationship between two partners who make binding promises to each other and work together to reach a common goal.
I have been married for seven years, seven years since having made this solemn covenant. Although I love the traditional phrase “…until death do us part”, I would like to modify it perhaps to something like this: Francia, do you promise to love and respect Oscar when you are happy and when you are not (when your hormones unleash your temper and anything bothers you), to love him in the order and the chaos (ha-ha), in moments of stillness and peace, and in moments of eagerness and despair, to respect him when he is right and when you think he is not, etc... Maybe you can add your own list.
Saying “…until death do us part” is easy, signing a contract is easy, saying yes I accept is easy; thousands of people get married every day, but sadly thousands also get divorced and break their covenant, and not because death has separated them. To remain faithful to a promise requires work, effort and a lot of love. Joy, sadness, wealth, poverty, health, disease are very general words, very big ones. I believe it is in the small moments where we decide to love and be faithful to the covenant, uncomfortable moments, situations in which we must give in and leave our selfishness.
On the path of marriage, you learn a lot about this, sometimes very easily, and other times not so much, but God has left us His example of faithfulness in His covenant made since the Old Testament with Israel. There we can see how God promised to guide and protect His people. In the New Testament, we see that God also made a covenant with the church which He compares to a bride, a bride with whom He has made a covenant of love and fidelity. Sadly, we know that both the people of Israel and the church have failed their commitment many times, but God did not. God has been faithful, committed, loving, constant, merciful and, above all forgiving, and gives us His example to follow in our marriage.
Are we faithful, committed, loving, constant, merciful, and above all, forgiving? Well, this question goes first for me, am I? I have the example of Jesus to follow. Of course, it's not always easy, but it's always worth it, and what I love about the covenant of marriage is that it is there where God transforms our hearts and makes us similar to Jesus. There, we learn to love our husband as ourselves, or more than ourselves. We learn to be compassionate by making an effort to understand his heart, we become a merciful person who suffers when he suffers and cries when he cries, and above all things, we become forgiving, very forgiving. But I am not going to wash my hands believing that I am the only good one in the movie. Of course, my husband also forgives me, loves me, and is compassionate and merciful, or else it would not have been possible to last this far (seven years for us, I don't know how many for you).
And all this is possible thanks to God. It is difficult to do all this when we do not remember that this is what God does for us every day, thanks to His covenant of love and forgiveness for us. So, I encourage you to let Jesus, in your covenant of love, be your guide and your light and that likewise, you can be light through your marriage for others.
Written by Kat Bittner, volunteer with and Board member of Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
There is a common idiom in English, “marriage made in Heaven,” which implies that a particular marriage is perfect. Yet marriage is never perfect because we are imperfect beings. Marriage was designed by the perfect God, created because God declared, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Gen. 2:18, NKJV). God Himself brought two humans together, man and woman, in order that they would become one (Gen. 2:22,24). It stands to reason that this God-ordained covenant (a promise between two or more people) should be treated carefully and with respect. God designed marriage to be a covenant between one man and one woman with Him at the head of that union. Consequently, we should be mindful of how we do marriage given the gravity of that covenant. And we could learn from some biblical examples of couples “doing marriage” in and out of God’s design.
Abram and Sarai: God had special plans for Abram. His wife, Sarai, chose to intervene by bringing another woman into their marriage to provide the child that she could not. Having this Egyptian woman, Hagar, bear Abram’s son would prove distressing for all (Gen. 16; 21:8-18). Sarai even grew angry at her husband, laying blame on him for the trouble she caused. “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me” (Gen. 16:5, NIV). Sarai would have done well to let God move in their marriage the way He had already planned because God would later fulfill an even greater covenant through Abraham and Sarah’s marriage.
I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you… I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her. (Gen. 17: 6,16)
Joseph and Mary: Even before the actual ceremony, Joseph perceived his marriage covenant with honor and respect. Upon finding out his bride-to-be was pregnant, Joseph chose to break their engagement quietly because he “was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly” (Matt. 1:19, NLT). He did this even though it was within his authority under the law to publicly condemn Mary. And Mary, a woman highly favored by God, accepted God’s will and His plans for her. I suppose Mary could have chosen another path that did not include Joseph, or just outright rejected God’s desire. However, Joseph and Mary valued the Lord’s design for their marriage and obeyed His will (Luke 1:18-24).
Hosea and Gomer: A union expressly made by God, this marriage was a picture of His love and faithfulness. It was between a prophet and a harlot, used by God in a unique way. Their marriage illustrated the covenant God had with the Israelites not to love any other gods. Hosea and Gomer’s marriage also typified the habitual breaking of that covenant. Gomer wandered unfaithfully from her marriage to Hosea. Hosea repeatedly brought Gomer home only to have her run into the arms of another lover, and God would expect Hosea to go get his wife and bring her home yet again.
Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the Lord still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them.’ (Hos. 3:1)
Hosea’s and Gomer’s marriage was a living parable that God’s people could see for themselves.
Aquila and Priscilla: Considered a spiritual power couple, Aquila and Priscilla embodied the marriage covenant as God intended. They worked in expanding the church and were instrumental in keeping Paul and his ministry thriving (Rom. 16:3-4). They were church planters (1 Cor. 16:19), spiritual mentors (Acts 18:26), and traveling missionaries (Acts 18:18). All this married couple did for the Lord, they did together. They are an example of how to do marriage covenant as God perfectly designed it.
Marriage will never be perfect because we are imperfect beings. However, we should strive for excellence in marriage because we have the blood of Jesus, the perfect One, to sanctify us and make us holy (Heb. 13:12). Jesus perfects us! He makes us righteous! We need Him to perfect our marriage and make it right. It is an honorable thing to have a “marriage made in Heaven” because the marriage covenant is holy, designed by the perfect God to be at the head of that covenant. How will you honor the marriage covenant?